busting at the seams

Literally. This has never happened in my tiny-sized life. My pants busted at the seams. I just noticed.

This morning I thought they were a little tight and even looked at J in shock as I was getting dressed. They have always been a little too small, but I wear them anyway because I love them and they are cute, pinkish-brown pinstripe, capri-trousers with cuffs that are the right length for my petite height. But now on the left thighs inner seam they have ripped. They do feel quite snug when my thighs expand when I press them into the chair to comfortably sit, but to really bust?!?! I guess that's what I get for buying too small pants from Target.

I do not mind gaining weight. In fact, I really would like to so I could be a normal adult-size and not have the size 2's be too big. I bought, actually, a size 2 similarly cute capri pant from Target, but in black, two days ago only to find out they were really big size 2's. They were obviously a different brand than the ones I am wearing. What size are these, anyway? Hm. I can't see right now without taking them off, which I can't do in my cube. (And I can do a lot of things in my cube i.e. yesterday, reading a sample from amazon.com of lesbian erotica--J advised against this as I might "get in trouble," but really, why would they notice if it was through amazon?)

Anyway, I am sad about my cute pants and my possible weight gain because I do not have enough money to buy the aforementioned normal adult-size pants. I have stopped exercising since the only form of exercise I really will do is dance class and that stopped after graduation. But now that I am thinking about it, these pants do feel quite tight around my tummy. And the zipper is pulling down. I am mad now. I really like these pants and will never find any like them again because I bought them at Target many years ago. In high school, maybe. Is this part of the real world? Getting bigger? I hope not because the budget will not allow for it. Maybe we should join the Y and I could take dance classes or pilates or even work out in the gym how I did one summer when my mom paid for me to be a second member on her fancy gym membership. But I don't want to. I am too lazy and I think my happiness should be more important. I don't like new things, especially new classes. Also, I might have to force myself to go and lately I don't like doing things that are scheduled. They cause me anxiety. Once I am there, I am fine, but the anxiety before is bad.

But then again, since I don't have real workout shoes I could convince J that I needed them and then be able to get new shoes, which I always like. Oh, what to do...NOTHING.

If we are too tired to stay up past 9:30 to watch Project Runway, imagine how tired I would be if I was exercising, too!