bad girl

The last couple of mornings my pants have been too tight. More pairs than usual. Pickle and I swear we are going to try another trial at a new gym sometime before the weekend is over. We did a good amount of hiking/walking over our labor day, so I wonder why they are tighter than last week. Today, my pants are just barely fitting. They are so tight it is hurting where my leg bends at the hip to sit. Last night I put on some jeans to go to the grocery store and nearly suffocated. This is not OK. I love those jeans. I could care less about the work pants because those don't matter as much to me. But, the jeans!

I am a bad girl today because after all my discomfort sitting here at work, I didn't eat my apple. I usually eat it with peanut butter. Sometimes I steal it from the downstairs cafeteria since it is out for free (assuming you are buying something, which I am not) or sometimes I bring it in a tupperware. Today I did neither and convinced myself that in order to fit back into my pants I need to eat it by itself.

Yesterday at the grocery store was the first time in my entire life (I'm pretty sure about this) that I convinced myself not to buy/eat something for health reasons. Cheez-its were 2/$5 and I got excited thinking that I should stock up and buy 2 boxes at such a deal. Then, I reasoned with myself that perhaps I shouldn't get any at all because it is unnecessary fat and they aren't good for me, blah, blah, blah. Then, I compromised and bought one box (you still got the $2.50 sale price even with just one) and decided that I should try to make it through twice as long as I am used to on it. I think usually I eat approximately 1 box a week, so perhaps I should cut down since I am not exercising, let alone moving during the day.

Because of all these bad feelings about my weight gain I decided to go outside during lunch and just walk around. It was a nice day and I should go outside at least once. Normally, I don't. I stay inside for lunch and don't venture out for anything much. I found myself wandering up Broadway and oops, there I was at the gap. At this point, I was hot because of the decision to wear a light sweater this morning with nothing underneath, so the a/c seemed like a nice break for my aimless wandering. Then I saw the windows. Audrey. Everywhere. I had no idea their new ad campaign had Audrey Hepburn in it! The greatest style icon! The blacks called to me and the ballerina flats sang my name! Then, I found myself in the dressing room with 3 pairs of black pants. Different sizes, and different Audrey styles. Well, since none of my pants fit, I thought I should see if the next size up would be better. And then I had to have them. Perfect little skinny legged black dress pants. Now, I have needed new black dress pants and we looked for them at the outlets this weekend, but only Pickle found some. So, I bought them today. I'm a bad bad girl. They weren't even on sale! But, that is all I bought and I am very happy with the purchase (I mean, Audrey pants! They are even called Audrey pants!) Last night I told myself I wasn't allowed to spend any more money on things that weren't necessities until next paycheck, and even then not much because I have a birthday coming up, but at $48 and room for my tummy, they were a steal. I don't even have to hem them.

But I am still a bad girl. Also a bad girl because my minute weight gain is nothing for most people. I am still a very small girl.

Gym. No more spending. Less cheez-its. Apples without peanut butter. (Also, I hate hate hate the taste of any sort of low-fat peanut butter, so its the real thing or nothing at all for me.)